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I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a member of the vast gun lobby.I am older than 70 and retired, which makes me a useless old man.I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.I (and most of the folks I know), acquired a fair education without student loans (it’s called work) and no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of an odd underachiever.I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens and I honor those who served in the Armed Forces, which now makes me a militant.Please help me come to terms with the new me .... As I make my way over to her section, I notice that she's in the dairy section, which is quite ironic, given her build. Once close to her, I politely say to her, "Excuse me, may I grab a jug of 2 percent?" Little did I realize that to her, it would be a pickup line."Nobody ever drinks 2 percent after they have had some whole milk from jugs like these," she answered.As she turned to face me, I had no doubt that she was telling the truth. Mounted atop her tiny frame was a pair of the largest breasts that I had ever seen."I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you," I answered."Offend me? Darling, if you offended me, you've achieved something. Are you OK though? You seem to be having some issues," she said as her eyes dropped to the crotch of my pants."I apologize. You just have an amazing figure and since you said you can't be offended, I'll just say that you caught my attention and brought parts of me to attention," I answered.Then, to my shock, she reached over and grabbed my.
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